The Most Boring Piece of Advice That's Been Changing Lives Forever
Read This Slowly.
An old Tibetan wise man once said: “If you walk with haste you do not reach Lhasa. If you walk at a gentle pace, you will make it there.”
If I could count the number of times I have put myself in overdrive trying to achieve a goal at warp speed or be someone better than the most current version of myself had to offer, I would need more hands to count on than I care to mention.
The thing is, I often wasn’t aware of the amount of pressure I was putting on myself.
Dysfunctional patterns are like that.
It had become so much a part of me it felt normal and therefore, went by unnoticed until ultimately I started experiencing some of the classic signs of burnout: exhaustion, restlessness, depression, emptiness, anxiety to name just a few.
On top of that this reality began to sink in:
We are living through an unprecedented moment in history.
Advances in technology have created an “anything goes” world where anything can be had at any time and where we can be anywhere we want at anytime.
Nothing seems to be enough in this culture of distraction, yet everything must be had right now!
Now, more than ever, we must learn the art of slowing down and cultivate, like never before, a discipline in it.
Because less often is more (regardless of the time we are living in.)
But what does this actually mean?
Slowing Down Vs. Procrastination
Slowing down is not a prescription for procrastination as is often feared to be the case.
Slowing down means respecting and being present for the process we are engaged in instead of burning ourselves out by obsessively looking for answers and needing instant gratification.
Keeping our eyes frantically focused on the end result or preconceived ideas about what the process should look like leads to fatigue, depression, anxiety, accidents, getting sick, you name it.
Take a guess at what all these burnout symptoms do?
They slow down the process.
While adding more suffering to our lives.
So while it’s essential to take action to bring forth an outcome when in pursuit of a goal, it’s equally as an important to forge an internal space where we get good with waiting; where we observe how things are unfolding before we make big (and potentially erroneous interpretations) about our process or jump to the next game plan which may not be as effective.
“A man who is a master of patience, is a master of everything else”. -George Savile
When we walk at a gentle pace, we observe and are open to new possibilities.
We sit patiently in the space between our next action without having fully formed opinions about what we see and without making rash decisions or harsh self-judgments.
Procrastination, on the other hand, is a habit of putting things off in an unmindful way. There is an absence of observation, a lack of curiosity about the process and feelings of indifference and emptiness are often present.
Anchor in Uncertainty
Claim the ground you walk on even if things feel shaky, dark, and uncertain.
You don’t anchor yourself by running faster in the middle of a dark forest, do you? Ideally, you slow down, you feel out the surrounding space, you wait until your night vision kicks in order to see the outlines of what’s emerging, and you stay present so you can be alert to sensing what your next move will be.
This is moving with grace.
Give your fears the space to be and watch over time how their intensity diminishes and new visions and ideas begin to emerge.
“Leave to your opinions their own quiet undisturbed development, which, like all progress, must come from deep within and cannot be pressed or hurried by anything. EVERYTHING is gestation and then bringing forth. To let each impression and each germ of a feeling come to completion wholly in itself, in the dark, in the inexpressible, the unconscious, beyond the reach of one’s own intelligence, and await with deep humility and patience the birth hour of a new clarity: that alone is living the artist’s life: in understanding as in creating.” -Rilke
Connect With Your People
With minds obsessively wrapped up in goals, we can become disconnected from the people we love who tend to ground us. Spending quality time with others, therefore, brings us back to what is real and alive in the moment.
Not only that, through the act of talking things out with others, we reconnect with our intuitive minds and voila! those light bulb moments start to happen and new possibilities begin to emerge.
So next time things are feeling messy and scary, try opening up to a trusted friend or partner instead of staying alone with your experience or dilemma.
Lastly and perhaps most important of all, experiencing connection reminds us that we exist and are loved outside of the things we achieve or do.
Gratitude
This brings me to gratitude.
When we honor and are grateful for what already exists (all the people and things which are already bringing us joy even if there are only a few items on that list), something amazing begins to happen:
We bring in more abundance without having done much.
The lens in which we view our reality creates an energy that matches it.
Like attracts like, in other words.
If we’re in a perpetual state of feeling lack or in victim mode, this is what we will tend to see in our external environment and likewise will be the attitude guiding what we create and call into our lives.
Redefining Self Worth
True self worth does not come from the achievement of a goal although it’s perfectly natural to feel proud of our accomplishments.
In fact, it’s beautiful and it’s human.
If self-esteem came from achievements alone, however, there wouldn’t be drug addicted celebrities or miserable multi-millionaires.
Self worth comes from the journey we embark on as we strive toward our goals. It comes from being in the muck and feeling the presence of others while we sort our way through it.
It comes from stepping into the maze not knowing what we’re doing and experiencing ourselves discover avenues we never knew were there that bring forth aspects of ourselves we never knew existed.
Self worth comes from feeling ourselves slowly mold into something new, embracing and honoring all the nuances of ourselves that come forth in the process of our emergence.
It’s a sacred place, this place of becoming.
Conclusion
After way too many burnouts, I’ve discovered if I take this alternate path it leads to some of my deepest, most authentic life-changing creations.
That the “more” I’m looking for, in fact and above all, is the aliveness I experience when I show up for myself in the moment, being with rather than fighting against my imperfections, my traumas and the challenges that present themselves as I tackle something new.
So, if you want to get to Lhasa in a flash, trying moving at the pace of an elephant: tediously slow but incredibly powerful.
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