What's More Pleasurable-Setting Limits or Indulging?
Coffee, stomach troubles and superhuman powers - a journey through pain, pleasure and deep revelations.
Prompted by a recent bout of hives and stomach indigestion, I decided to try something I experimented with years ago that rocked my world with the power of its simplicity.
I’m of the sort who, when into something, dives in full force. Poetry, art, people, ideas, cities, music, food, making out…One of my favorites things about being human is eating and drinking. In fact, that so much pleasure can exist in this world, that an avocado, a roasted duck, a Rioja, a bean of coffee is part of creation and we get to experience and create with it still blows me away.
The older I get the more I love it and even though a challenge I’m learning how to eat and drink slower. Still when it comes to food, in particular, sometimes I’m a runaway train.
Full speed ahead (especially if I’m deprived of something I love) to disillusioned crash. I don’t like to be told what to do, even by myself. If you have stomach issues, eating disorders, addictions to food, alcohol or drugs, then you probably know deprivation and recovery are fierce enemies.
Deprivation, in general sucks. Just hearing the word in my head, I feel negative vibes.
Indulging on the other hand, well that feels kind of good. It feels like something I want to get into and right now. I mean, who doesn’t like to indulge? IT’S PLEASURABLE. It’s human. It’s fun. That being said, when indulging leads too often to feeling like garbage after, it kind of loses that delicious full body goodness.
A few years ago, I started thinking about power of discipline; that to set and keep a limit is one mighty force when it comes to cultivating not only satisfaction in life but everything you desire. Discipline is an intentional and regular action that creates structure. This structure may be literal (an exercise routine) or psychological (putting up boundaries around people that aren’t good for you). Often, it’s both.
A structure (or container) is essential for anything to manifest. Without the structure of language, meaning ceases to exist. Without a weekly writing routine, one’s voice wouldn’t develop. Without a steady income, one might not have the energy to fully let go and explore a passion.
Even when the creativity is flowing, for example, their needs to be an entrance and an exit (a channel that’s fine tuned). The entrance, a set time or schedule to let the inspiration out and take form and an exit, a time or way of putting a lid on a force that can take over in destructive ways if not tamed.
I can feel it when I write. There are times it’s abundantly clear I need to stop but push on still. These are the nights when I can barely sleep and feel agitated in the morning when I wake up.
Setting limits I’ve come to believe is one of the ultimate powers we can master as humans. In fact when forged, we enter the land of superhuman abilities, those which stun and fascinate.
Back to My Little Experiment
I’m a coffee lover. Every morning I grind my coffee beans and without fail take twenty seconds to inhale the fragrant aroma held so delicately in my grinder, long enough that it moves through my whole body making it tingle. I feel something alchemical taking place. That a kind of healing is going on as it’s essence charges my blood, my tissues, my brain.
Sometimes I use a french press, others a Moka pot or dripper. Once in blue moon a good old-fashioned American coffee maker. I wake up most mornings excited to meet my friend and engage in this ritual that makes me feel happy to be alive. The mornings are special. I spend them alone, sitting on my sofa with my coffee and me, staring out the window completely at peace.
My stomach and her radar
Unfortunately I have a weak spot. Weak is perhaps not the best word to describe it. Let’s call it my radar, the organ that tells me loud and clear when something’s off, especially emotionally. My good ole stomach. For years, I was battling indigestion, showing up as an upset stomach on the regular. It was bringing me down. One healer told me, “Your stomach problems are blocking you from your higher self”.
Damn! I thought. I better get on this. Not only do I want to go deeper into the pleasure of food, I also want to hear the wisdom of my higher-self speak. I want to create and express everything I’m capable of before I die. So when something so pleasurable is connected with discomfort or pain, life gets kind of dark.
I tried the no coffee, cheese, bread, sugar thing for three weeks and started eating slower. I do think it helped me physically rebalance. It was also during this time I chose to consciously be with my body, to understand all the factors causing my stomach distress.
No longer wanting to be a prisoner, I shut off my phone for two weeks and barely looked at my email. I watched YouTube videos on the microbiome — the trillions of organisms housed in our gut making up what scientists call our second brain due to the intricacy and power of its functions. I journaled and practiced yoga.
The most valuable thing I learned was emotional: the amount of pressure I was putting on myself to be someone more than the present version had to offer and at warp speed. Only because I slowed down, could I viscerally feel how that pressure was living and moving through my body. No longer sound psychological advice grasped on an intellectual level, I felt the havoc not slowing down was wrecking on my body. I felt sad. I realized how hard I was being on myself.
A month later, most of my symptoms resolved. For years, I went back to eating what I wanted. But over time, the pendulum swung once again. When feeling off, I would engage in the thing that, as a way of life, never helped: deprivation. I would cut out something for a week or two, then, Indian wedding style, back in a feast. The thing is, I can eat cheese, bread, and sugar without feeling terrible just not everyday. Once, maybe twice a week, I’m good. Thereafter, my body starts getting pissed.
In German, “sauer” (sour, acidic) is a word you can use to describe an acidic stomach. Sauer is also used to describe an angry mood. You can be “sauer” with someone. Mistreat your stomach and it will most definitely get sauer (on) and at you.
The “Two Days On, One Day Off” method
One day, I tried something different. Instead of doing the deprivation thing that took me only three years to figure out didn’t work. I did (and right now) am doing this:
Let’s pick an arbitrary start day. Monday. I drink coffee on Monday and Tuesday. On Wednesday, I drink tea. Booooo, said the coffee lover at first, that’s not your cup of tea. (No pun intended). On Thursday and Friday, back to coffee. Saturday, tea. And so on. Two days on. One day off.
It’s amazing. Here’s why. I’m still drinking many cups of Joe. Five out of seven days on average, I’m getting my coffee fix. The day off with tea?A bit boring. (Tea lovers! I’m open for suggestions….help me up my tea game). But, I’m also not a child anymore. I can deal with a little bit of boring/not having my way a couple times a week. Sure, it’s not as fun grinding those beans, doing my little scent ceremony.
But the day after….
when I can get back to those fine, fragrant, brown oval-y shaped kernels of goodness and congregate with my beloved as she steams from, of course, a specially chosen cup…
Dammmnnnnnnnn.
It tastes even better. The experience, more sacred. The joy, bigger and appreciation, even deeper. On top of that, I feel like an empowered human being.
My stomach is happier too. In fact, there are times when I can go two days without a cup. I don’t always listen to that but what I do know is this: change happens over time. The key is to start small—in ways that your ego or the part of you who wants to indulge like an animal can get on board with. Slowly, the foundation builds and a new habit is formed, where listening to your body (and higher self) becomes one of the most pleasurable things you can do in life.
I think I just may be on my way to earning my superwoman powers.
The Verdict
So, what’s more pleasurable? They are both, but for different reasons. The most interesting thing, however, is my realization that indulging and setting limits are complementary forces and when in balance create an alchemical reaction, unleashing a pleasure that one alone simply can’t match. Even better, the pleasure lasts waaaaaay longer.
What say you?
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